Saturday, March 21st, 2015, I wrote about how I wanted to be more social. To this point, that has been a raging failure. I didn't really change anything. Mainly because I decided "ehh, whatever" and not even try anymore. I even stopped using social media. Deleted my Snapchat account and deactivated Facebook. I will say though that the Facebook wasn't necessarily because I wanted to stop be social. It was mostly due to that fact that people were posting really dumb shit on it all the time. I was succumbing to dumb shit, so I took a break. I just recently reactivated Facebook and recreated a Snapchat account (***CHEAP PLUG ALERT*** Follow me on Snapchat @ justwhatever82). So I'm trying again to be more out there.
Wednesday, February 18th, 2015, I wrote about how I had a fear of acceptance, and that single life was the life for me. About a week or so ago (on a random Tuesday night, no less. I'll never forget that) I just changed my mind. My brain literally said, "the fuck you doing?" and I agreed. Maybe...no, not maybe. It IS time to start looking for that someone. The fear of acceptance is gone. The fear of rejection was never a thing for me. So this should be easy. Right? RIGHT??
Well, no. I'm still not used to the whole "getting out there" thing. I'm trying. It's moving slowly but I'm trying.
Meanwhile, while all of this was happening, I was having another internal mind-struggle. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell a specific "someone" how I really felt about them. I went back, forth, back again, back one more time, forth again, and in this weird zig-zagging circle thing (you should've seen that) about it. But my biggest issues with telling her this was that it could get awkward between us. I didn't want that. A "no" answer would be fine, but a "no" with awkwardness would be terrible. So I wouldn't risk it (even though I posed that question to Facebook and everyone said OMG DO IT DO IT DO IT YES YES YES DO IT!!!!). And yet, I still agonized about it. Until this past Friday night.
Friday, July 17th, 2015, I went to the Beat Hotel (or Beat Brasserie if your fancy) in Cambridge with a couple of friends to see my good friend Domenic play with a jazz band. It started out like an ordinary jazz bar night; drinks (many!), food (good!), and great music (with the incredible Melissa Bolling singing!). About two hours later my friends left, and a group of four sat next to me (a wife, her husband, her sister, and her sister's boyfriend). They were extremely friendly and social. The wife noticed that I smelled really good (Irish Spring!!!) and from there it was on. She's 33, originally from Kansas, and visiting from Cali. She then just mentioned how I was such a good-looking man. I thought to myself "for real"? Then I said out loud "for real"? The more we talked, the more I realized that it seemed that she loved her husband, but wasn't really having the greatest time with him. Like she wanted to know what it was like to be single again.
It was maybe 1:30 in the morning or so and is was the group's time to go. Hugs from everyone. The wife was last and told me that I needed to find that someone. She's out there, and that I have too many great qualities to be single. She hugged me and then kissed me (ON THE LIPS!). This was the pinnacle to a perfect night. Nothing else mattered. And at that point, I became reborn. I knew that this needed to happen on a much more regular basis. I don't know what her and the group's angle were, it means nothing.
And for what's it worth, her sister's boyfriend did say at one point "don't we look like of bunch of swingers"? It crossed my mind at one point. And Facebook friends also mention "cuckold". For the record, I don't care. If they were swingers, if they are in open relationships, if I was being cuckolded, it mattered none to me. I needed that. Badly.
So the feelings I have for that "someone" died that night. Not cooled. Not slowed down. Dead. We can (and hopefully, will) be friends for a very long time. And for the first time in months my brain is clear. I feel like I can think again. That mental weight has been lifted. And it feels amazing. Looking back on it, everything about that day aligned amazingly (and eerily) perfect. Everything:
- I bought Irish Spring soap instead of the normal Old Spice body wash. May not seem like much, but the soap is much more subtle and not overpowering. The wife loved it.
- I bought a spray antiperspirant/deodorant instead of the typical Old Spice deodorant. Again, small thing, but it kept me from being a human water pump.
- I razor-shaved instead of shaping up the mess on my face called a beard. Again, it was loved.
- I decided to dress up a little more. Wore a button-down shirt with black dress pants and black shoes. I would normally do the jeans/sneakers combo, but I just felt like being different that night.
- We weren't even supposed to go the Beat Hotel. It was supposed to be The Beehive until Domenic texted me about the venue change. I don't meet this life-altering group of people at The Beehive.
- Even the friends I was with. That played a part in the night as well.
There are other things that came together perfectly. I won't go into detail yet (save that for a followup blog post someday, and believe me, it will be massive). I have never felt that way in my life. And I need more of that. Next year, I will celebrate December 26th, since that is my actual birthday. But don't think that I won't be thinking about having a party for July 17th, my new, "other" birthday.
