Monday, October 15, 2018

Adulting Like an Adult


Early last Saturday before I nearly murdered myself on rum and splashes of Coke, I walked up to my local Walmart to prepare for said murder. On my way I ran into a couple - a religious one. The ones where they want to "spread the Word of God to their neighbors" or something like that. Now, despite my disdain for all things of God, I'm not the type of person to just blatantly ignore people if they approach me. So I took my headphones off and talked to them. And let me tell you, I'm really glad I did.

Not because I saw the light and start shouting in the streets right then and there and speaking in tongues and all that nonsense. No no. I'm glad because for the first time (maybe ever) I had a rational conversation with a religious person. Normally these conversation devolve into JESUS JESUS JESUS REBUKE YOU SATAN GOD GOD GOD (yep, it can get loud just like that). But this, this was amazing. The man asked me about...something, I don't remember what exactly, and I told him about my religious beliefs, which is always a risky thing to do considering I don't believe what they believe. He listened. He respected my beliefs and opinions. It was the most eye-opening shit ever. 

I left that interaction feeling...weird. You see, the reason I was committing self-murder later that night was because I was leaving my old job (security) for a new job (Fidelity!). So I deserved to kill a liver. Since I was able to get a job with Fidelity it made my feel like I was on cloud nine, so to speak. Then that conversation put me on cloud ten (and I've never felt cloud ten before. Is that even a thing? I'm making it a thing, then).

Then rum things happened and happened and happened some more until my liver said no mas and my brain decided to start forgetting things in real-time. On Sunday, I gave all the rum that happened to my toilet (twice!) and my brain gave me a 404 File Not Found error from anything that happened past 1 am. 

It took all of that for me to realize one thing: I need to adult better. 

One, I clearly can't recover from rum porn the way I used to. I hate vomiting and I certainly don't need memory loss on top of it. So, I've decided to cut WAY the fuck back on drinking, even for special occasions or just occasions I decide are special but not really.

Two, this new job was something of a miracle. I'm not supposed to be at Fidelity. And even though it's just Reception, it's the highest-paying job I've ever had by far. And with so many benefits (401K! Bonuses! Other Acronyms I Don't Know!) this is a job that I want to hold on to for as long as possible. 

And three, the religious conversation has stuck with me simply because it came from outta nowhere, as if the world wanted to let me know that it doesn't completely suck 100% of the time. All of these things have kinda changed my mental a little bit. 

I have to become the adult I should've been 14 years ago. Saving money, not drinking to excess, just being the best me. This is the restart I've sorely needed. I needed one break and here it is. 

Now if only I can find that "someone" to actually move my earth, unlike that fake *Tia* earth-moving moment from last year. Someone who doesn't says "us" but actually means "them" *Tia*. Someone who doesn't act selfish all the time *Tia*. Someone who---wait. I'm being petty again. I just wrote all about like an adult. Gotta stick to it. 

*Fuckin' Tia*.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Oh My Earth Is Back to Normal!





"In this the year of our Lord, Two-Thousand and Seventeen, somehow, a female likes me. And almost as inexplicably, I like her. How did this happen? How did we get here? Well, I dunno. Somewhere along the line this year I decided "you know what? I think I'll try a dating site. Because, sure OK." It was a friend of mine who was all like "Chill. Don't do that. I got you." And I was like "Word, yo." Fast-forward to now and her and I are still going strong."

Me, "Oh My Earth!"  - June 2017


It was just June. This past June! Half a year ago!! I had finally been off the singles market and was, surprisingly, damn happy about it! Now it's 2018, and I'm back on the singles market and, surprisingly (again), I'm damn happy about it! 

Now don't get me wrong: I don't hate "Boogie" ('member I called her that? You 'member). I don't even dislike her. She is, in fact a good person and I do wish her the best. But I started questioning myself slightly as far as our "relationship" was concerned. I'm not gonna put everything out there as that's not my style. But I am gonna list some things (she hated when I did that!) that were ultimately the reason I moved on:

1. "Long" Distance
I live in Medford and she lives in the South Shore. Now that's not the longest distance ever, I know. There's a guy here at work who lives in Hyde Park and his girlfriend lives in Nashua (NH!!!!). They've made it work so far, but he's told me how expensive it is to see her. And I can understand that. Going out to her costed too much money (for a Lyft or cab) or way too much time (MBTA, walking). This was starting to become an issue especially since she never came out to see me (she did once, so golf clap to that). I had to travel out there when it was convenient for her, not us.

Sidenote to this point: I found out the day of the break up that the REAL reason she never came out to see me was because "my bathtub is fucking disgusting". That's...weird. My tub is old, and can easily "look" fucking disgusting at times. It truly isn't, but even if it was the most disgusting thing ever, why not tell me? Why not say "clean your tub"? She said she didn't want to hurt my feelings or some shit. Better to not tell me and make me come out there all the time, amirite?

2. $$$
I have to clarify what this means. I didn't have to give her money. She never asked for it. She's her own woman with her own money so I'm not talking about it in that sense. I'm more referring to the other stuff; the "going out", or dinner, or things like that. I believe that when a man and woman are first dating, the man should absolutely pay for the first two or three or so dates, no questions asked. And I did that, so no problems there. Here's where the problematic part comes in. I also believe that if you're in a "relationship", and this is what we classified it to be at one point, it should change some. Sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays, sometimes we split it. I got you, you got me. This wasn't happening. This was I got you, I got me. ALWAYS. Couple this with the distance to travel out there all the time, and you can see some of this frustration. I know some will tell me that I'm not a real man and so on and etc., but I can tell that from the feedback I've received from both men and women (who I know AND don't know) and so far most (not all, but definitely the majority) understand where I'm coming from. Dating is wooing. Relationship is already wooed. Didn't think that ever needed to be explained.

3. "What would you think if we took a break?..."
An actual text from her a day or two after Thanksgiving. When I asked her what she meant, she said that it meant that I don't call her every day and instead we talk every other day. Now, that's smelled like the freshest of all the bullshit, but I went with that. When I talked to her the next day, she actually meant temporary break-up. She also explained that the initial lie was told because she was very tired and didn't want me to further question it that night because sleep was badly needed. I simply said this: if we take a break, it's permanent. If you want to break up, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. Breaks are for jobs, not "relationships". After this was said, she was still 50/50 on the break. She eventually said that she didn't want a break and we moved on from there. But honestly, I think that took a toll on me. For someone to kinda sorta wants to break up (even if it the desire was at 3%) that gets in your head.

Sidenote to this point: I found out the day of the break up (*sigh* again) that the REAL reason for the "break" was to essentially make me say "Whoa! She wants to take a break! I should start acting better before I lose her"! This backfired, and I'm certain that my actually reaction frustrated her. Meh.

I know that I'm not perfect. The breakup was...I guess you can say it was controversial. We had an argument on a Friday. I'm not gonna say what it was over, but let's just say Point #2 was involved in some form or fashion. The next day I spent the time thinking to myself. Do I need this "relationship"? Am I with the right person? Do I even need the negativity? By that Sunday I knew the answer - nope. But I didn't tell her right away. My plan was to tell her the following Monday. I posted about a small party on Facebook to celebrate my birthday which was coming up. In the description of that party I said:


The "celebrate my new-found freedom" part. I admit, that was petty AF. By the time I called on Monday, she already knew (somehow. Still wondering about that...) and rightfully was not happy. She "let me have it" and with that, it was over. And I felt really good about it. Then everybody associated with her removed me from their Facebook. And I laughed. Heartily.

2017 was, without question, the weirdest year of my life. So much shit happened that never happened before. And that definitely includes this "relationship". I will move on. She will move on. 2018 will be infinitely better especially since I have no "relationship" to deal with. O my Earth is back to normal.

PS: It's time for me to be a little petty again (I can't help it!)


  • Recently I dealt with a bad UTI and yeast infection (Weird '17 shit). I had never had one before. I know that as a diabetic that something like that could happen, and I'm pretty sure she had nothing to do with that, but...I think things, is all...
  • Her family was cool. Her mother makes fantastic chicken. Not better than mine, but fantastic nonetheless...
  • Apparently, her ex once called her "an ugly and evil woman", the "ugly" part having to do with her personality, not her looks. Evil is way too harsh and she is absolutely not that. Ugly? I can see that...
  • I'm confident that my ED (more Weird '17 shit) was self-defense. My body knew better...



OK that's it.



#removeme