Early last Saturday before I nearly murdered myself on rum and splashes of Coke, I walked up to my local Walmart to prepare for said murder. On my way I ran into a couple - a religious one. The ones where they want to "spread the Word of God to their neighbors" or something like that. Now, despite my disdain for all things of God, I'm not the type of person to just blatantly ignore people if they approach me. So I took my headphones off and talked to them. And let me tell you, I'm really glad I did.
Not because I saw the light and start shouting in the streets right then and there and speaking in tongues and all that nonsense. No no. I'm glad because for the first time (maybe ever) I had a rational conversation with a religious person. Normally these conversation devolve into JESUS JESUS JESUS REBUKE YOU SATAN GOD GOD GOD (yep, it can get loud just like that). But this, this was amazing. The man asked me about...something, I don't remember what exactly, and I told him about my religious beliefs, which is always a risky thing to do considering I don't believe what they believe. He listened. He respected my beliefs and opinions. It was the most eye-opening shit ever.
I left that interaction feeling...weird. You see, the reason I was committing self-murder later that night was because I was leaving my old job (security) for a new job (Fidelity!). So I deserved to kill a liver. Since I was able to get a job with Fidelity it made my feel like I was on cloud nine, so to speak. Then that conversation put me on cloud ten (and I've never felt cloud ten before. Is that even a thing? I'm making it a thing, then).
Then rum things happened and happened and happened some more until my liver said no mas and my brain decided to start forgetting things in real-time. On Sunday, I gave all the rum that happened to my toilet (twice!) and my brain gave me a 404 File Not Found error from anything that happened past 1 am.
It took all of that for me to realize one thing: I need to adult better.
One, I clearly can't recover from rum porn the way I used to. I hate vomiting and I certainly don't need memory loss on top of it. So, I've decided to cut WAY the fuck back on drinking, even for special occasions or just occasions I decide are special but not really.
Two, this new job was something of a miracle. I'm not supposed to be at Fidelity. And even though it's just Reception, it's the highest-paying job I've ever had by far. And with so many benefits (401K! Bonuses! Other Acronyms I Don't Know!) this is a job that I want to hold on to for as long as possible.
And three, the religious conversation has stuck with me simply because it came from outta nowhere, as if the world wanted to let me know that it doesn't completely suck 100% of the time. All of these things have kinda changed my mental a little bit.
I have to become the adult I should've been 14 years ago. Saving money, not drinking to excess, just being the best me. This is the restart I've sorely needed. I needed one break and here it is.
Now if only I can find that "someone" to actually move my earth, unlike that fake *Tia* earth-moving moment from last year. Someone who doesn't says "us" but actually means "them" *Tia*. Someone who doesn't act selfish all the time *Tia*. Someone who---wait. I'm being petty again. I just wrote all about like an adult. Gotta stick to it.
*Fuckin' Tia*.
